HEADLINE: [You] held under suspicion of involvement with terrorist organization "Antifa"
[You] was detained on December 15 when comments on social media under their name were unearthed, decrying Charlie Kirk memorials as "a celebration of racism", and calling for an "end to American fascism". Kash Patel, Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, announced last week that statements such as these were "big red flags" for Antifa involvement, and since then, the FBI has begun investigation into hundreds of suspected terrorists living on American soil.
[You] is the first to be charged under this formal anti-radical-left terrorist initiative. "While it would appear that statements like these might be innocuous, even protected under our esteemed free speech laws," said our anonymous informant, "it turns out that they're the sort of 'canary in the coal mine' when it comes to forms of violence and degeneracy from Antifa that have gone unaddressed for too long in our country."
It has since been revealed, after investigation of their posts on Discord — a communications app frequently used by Antifa members to find and coordinate with other members — that [You] is a closeted member of the transgender community, and rubs shoulders with child predators in the infamous "furry" community.
Fox News host Jesse Watters commented: "We've seen Trump and MAGA are making America great again by getting rid of the immigrant filth littering our streets, getting rid of these encampments. In my mind, this is the next step: Pull out the pedophile movement at its roots, go after these degenerates, because it turns out, look, it just so happens they're all terrorists, too."
[You]'s parents declined to comment, and at the time of writing, no violent criminal charges have been made, but the FBI investigation is ongoing.
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